Gender Facial Recognition
The sophisticated camera’s circuitry and algorithms can detect the presence of a female subject and automatically obscure her face with a suitable covering. The easy-to-use wizard guides you through the process of selecting the appropriate covering. Choose the popular brown paper bag or a pixilated image where the face is located. For the more modern families, you may choose a simple black bar to obscure the eyes, making it difficult, but not impossible to view the female (not recommended). The camera can even detect a female canine, should you wish to obscure her face as well.
Restoring Family Values
Restore your family photos to how they should have been. Are you embarrassed when the in-laws are over and they see that your ancestors were “not like them”? Do you wish that your parents or grandparents were just like you? The Kosher Camera can rectify the problem, simply by using the built-in macro lens to copy old photos and “correct” them. The camera will automatically lengthen your bubby’s hemline, give her longer sleeves, raise her neckline and if chas ve’shalom she was not wearing a sheitel, will cover her hair in an appropriate manner of your choosing. You might say “Dayenu”, but the Kosher Camera does even more. It will also add a beard to your zaide, just in case he was clean shaven.
The Kosher Camera also enables you to block the faces of fetuses. Totally revolutionary circuitry can identify the gender of ultrasound images and block the faces of unborn children. Just point your camera at the screen and let the camera do the rest. Now you can share your unborn child’s image with your Facebook friends and not have to worry about them seeing your unborn daughter’s face. The algorithms are so accurate that the Kosher Camera can be used to determine the baby’s gender and is accurate 95% of the time, 19 times out of 20. Although false positives are possible, it is better to be safe, and cover your son’s face, than to expose an unborn girl’s face to men.
The powerful built-in flash functions as a main flash for indoor scenes with a lack of ambient light as well as a fill-in flash to assist in outdoor pictures. The facial recognition feature automatically turns the flash off when a female face is recognized–why waste the battery on the flash?
The Kosher Camera has a factory-set clock/calendar linked to a GPS that knows exactly when Shabbos starts wherever the Kosher Camera is located. The Kosher Camera communicates with our servers in New York, London or Jerusalem and updates the time automatically. If someone tries (chas ve’shalom) to use the camera on Shabbos, it will not take any pictures. The camera can be set to play a warning in case the camera is moved or started on Shabbos. The default recording is the “I don’t roll on Shabbos” rant from The Big Lebowski.